This post contains spoilers and may contain offensive language.
If you don’t like either, please cover your eyes now.
I don’t know about you Bite Clubbers, but I was on the edge of my seat with all of last night’s revelations, action, suspense and WTF moments. Where last week’s episode was all over the place, last night's episode moved this season’s story along. Let me stop babbling and break it down for ya’ll.
We find Sookie and Alcide making a speedy getaway from the Were bar. So speedy, in fact, that Sookie has to insult the man to get him to stop before he gets them killed. They have a conversation about Debbie and head back to his apartment. Sookie gets woken up by Alcide and Debbie arguing. Apparently she feels she can still come back to the apartment just because she has a key. Sookie walks into the living room and Debbie goes ballistic. She accuses her of sleeping with her wolf in her house. Ever the opportunist, Sookie reads her mind and throws back in her face the names of all the people she’s slept with under the same roof. Debbie moves in to attack her and is pulled back by Alcide. The next morning Sookie reads Alcide’s thoughts and finds out he’s going to be meet with his pack master about the events at the Were bar. He lies and says he’s going to run some errands and she calls him out on his lie. He gets mad that she read his thoughts but, after laying some Sookie charm on him, agrees to take her with him. They meet up with the pack master, Colonel Flood, who already knows everything that’s going on. He advises Alcide to do nothing and to say nothing. This upsets Alcide who doesn’t want to rest on his laurels while vampires are picking off his pack. Sookie reads Col. Flood’s mind and finds out he’s scared and is thinking of leaving town. Sookie tells Alcide to forget about changing the Colonel’s mind because he’s afraid. Later that night Alcide calls Sookie out into the living room. When he moves aside we see Bill standing there. She runs into his arms but, the reunion is short lived. He tells them that they need to leave immediately. Sookie begs him to go with them but, he says it’s too late for him. Unfortunately for all of them Coot busts in with backup and the King. They capture Bill, Alcide takes a kick to the balls and goes down and Sookie tries to run out of the room only to be blocked by the King. Coot advances on her and Sookie puts her hand to his face and blasts him across the room with her secret mojo. This delights the King and the episode ends with Sookie elbow deep in trouble.
Things keep getting worse for Tara. After being tied to a chair in the King’s foyer, she looks up to see Lorena, the King and Bill walking in from their dinner date. She begs Bill to help her and he flat our refuses her like he’s never met her before. Franklin takes her up to their room and ties her to the bed so that she can’t escape. He then goes on one of his weird bi-polar rants and almost kills her when he sees that she receives a text message from Lafayette. She manages to tell him that Lafayette is her gay cousin and he releases the death grip he has on her neck. The next morning Tara manages to untie herself and tries running away from the mansion. It looks like she might have a chance until Coot chases her down and takes her back. Franklin gets all emotional as he’s lecturing her and it starts to dawn on Tara that she’s going to have to pretend to like this creep if she wants to make it out of this situation alive. Later that evening he walks into the dining room and finds Tara upset because they tried to feed her a flower instead of food. He promises to take her out for her last human meal. In response to her puzzled look, he gets down on one knee and asks her to be his vampire bride. She’s not my favorite but I certainly don’t want her turning into a vampire!
We find Sam moving in his family into one of the properties he owns. Things get weird between Tommy and Joe Lee and Sam asks them to take care of it behind closed doors. He sees Terry pull up and Terry informs him that he’s moving in with Arlene. After he congratulates him and Arlene he heads over to Merlotte’s. Later that evening Joe Lee calls for Tommy and we can hear him tell Tommy to get his butt home. Tommy later approaches Sam and asks him if he can sleep over at his house. Sam becomes suspicious and tells him that he can only if he gets the okay from his parents. As they’re sitting on the couch watching TV, someone starts to bang on his door. When Sam opens the door Joe Lee barges in and tries to take Tommy with him. After he threatens Tommy, Sam steps in and tells him if he still wants a roof over his head that he needs to leave his house immediately. Joe Lee appears to calm down and leaves. Something tells me that guy is not playing with a full deck of cards. It’ll be interesting to see how Sam’s family arc plays out in the rest of the episodes.
Jason heads over to the police station to start his career as an officer of the law. Atleast that’s what he thinks. After a brief conversation with Kenya, Andy Bellefleur steps out of his office not looking very happy to see Jason. He assigns him to cover the telephone lines. Jason tries to protest but, Andy promises he can do real police stuff as soon as he can. In an effort to relieve his boredom he tries leaning back in a chair and falls over, attempts building a paperclip rope and finally ends up playing with the fingerprinting equipment and ends up getting ink all over himself. In an effort to prevent him from tearing down the office, Andy makes him go wash one of the police cruisers. As he’s getting ready to soap up the car, he notices Crystal Norris drive past in a pickup truck. And in true Jason fashion, he hops into the cruiser and pulls her over. The next scene is absolutely delicious. He gets out of the car with no shirt on and dark aviator sunglasses. (He looked like a cross between a male model and a stripper you call for a girlfriend’s bachelor party…I’ll give you a few minutes to concentrate on that visual). Crystal sees through his little ploy and doesn’t reveal much information about herself. Before she takes off he invites her to meet him at Merlotte’s. Later that night while he’s waiting for Crystal to show up, Andy stops by his table and tells him that he was able to pull some strings and all he has to do is take an exam and he’ll be able to become a police officer. Jason doesn’t seem thrilled by the prospect. Crystal never shows up so he decides to head home. On the way to the car, he spots Crystal walking away from the bar. He stops her and after some conversation he asks her to take a walk with him. They end up in a very romantic, moonlit clearing. He’s very gentle and gentlemanly with her. They start kissing which leads to some sexy vertical mambo against a tree.
I’m digging how they’re portraying Sookie’s secret power and how it helps her in times of need.
Lafayette and Jesus
I got all kinds of butterflies in my stomach watching these two interact. It was nice to see Lafayette get a potential love interest.
Terry moving in with Arlene
They’re currently my favorite couple and they just get sweeter with each episode that goes by.
Alcide punking out
What the hell was up with him going down with only one kick to the nuts? Could he at least have thrown one punch? He’s failing as a bodyguard.
Sookie getting captured
I am not down with how this episode ended. Our girl Sookie is in some major trouble and I’m not liking it one bit.
Tie between Franklin’s creepiness and Joe Lee’s craziness
What is up with these two? They’re fantastic actors because I am seriously disturbed by the both of them.
Favorite One Liners
‘You know, Russell was right. You’re not very smart.’
-Bill to Lorena
‘I know that if you don’t slow down you’re gonna kill us and I am not going to die because of your shitty girlfriend.’
-Sookie to Alcide
‘Hey Tara, watch how fast I type muthaf***a. It’s cool, right?’
-Franklin to Tara
‘It’s what normal people do Sam. They fall in love, they make each other laugh and move in together. They raise kids, they fight over money, they get old and fat together and it’s normal. And it’s happening to me.’
-Terry to Sam
‘Where’s your badge? Where’s your gun? Where’s your shirt?’
-Crystal to Jason
‘I don’t eat much. I don’t want to get fat like my momma.’
-Summer (Hoyt’s date) to Hoyt
‘What, him? For real? He look like he got bombed by radiation on his way to middle school.’
-Tommy to Jessica
‘My thing? That? Oh, no no no. That is not my thang. Mm mmm’
-Lafayette to Jesus
Tara: We need to talk.
Franklin: Don’t say that. When you say that everything goes black and I wake up surrounded by body parts.
What do you think Bite Clubbers? Is this the best episode so far? What were some of your favorite and least favorite moments? Drop us a line and let us know what’s on your mind.