Monday, August 22, 2011

Guest post with Stan Markowski from Hard Spell

I love it when we get the opportunity to have such an awesome character stop by the blog and Stan Markowski is one of my new favorites~ he's tough, wisecracking, and not afraid to get his hands dirty. But don't let his image fool you... because he is so much more than a badass cop. Stan is featured in the new book, Hard Spell, by Justin Gustainis, a book that I am adding to my Top 10 for 2011 and will be reviewing for VampChix later in the week. In fact, I liked this book so much I am adding all of Justin's other books to my shopping list! And to make this even sweeter I have a signed copy to give away!! Details will follow the post. And now, here's Stan!

Defending Against Vampire Attack
Detective Sgt. Stan Markowski
Occult Crimes Investigation Unit
Scranton Police Department

Most of you citizens will never have to face vampire attack. Most vamps, in Scranton
and elsewhere, are law-abiding citizens who don’t go jumping on innocent people to get
nourishment. A lot of them have developed a taste for animal blood; and blood banks
have become profitable operations, now that they allow withdrawals as well as deposits.
Besides, there’s a fair number of people who will voluntarily give up some blood to a
vamp. You find that in mixed (human/vamp, I mean) marriages, and other people do it
for money or because they think it’s fun.

With vamps, it’s kind of like shark attacks. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does,
the news media is all over it. But if you should encounter an aggressive vamp, try to stay
calm and keep these tips in mind:

1. Guard your neck, because that’s what they’ll go for. There’s plenty of arteries and
veins in the human body, but for a vamp to get at most of them, you’d have to take your
clothes off. Some ladies wear silver chokers, especially if they like to go to those clubs
where vamps sometime hang out.

2. Don’t look into their eyes. Yeah, what you hear about that is real. It’s called
Influence. If the vamp can catch you with his eyes, he or she might be able to get your
cooperation, even though you wouldn’t give it otherwise. The older the vamp, by the
way, the stronger the influence will be.

3. Brandish a religious symbol. It doesn’t have to be a cross – that idea comes from the
fact that the early vampire stories were all written by Christians. Trouble is, other than
Judaism (a Star of David works fine on a vamp) most other religions don’t have the kind
of icons that you can carry in your pocket. A statue of the Buddha, for instance, is a real
pain to tote around. In a pinch, you can try making a cross symbol with your fingers –
that kind of thing will sometimes work with a baby vamp (one who’s been cold less than
a year or so), but an older vampire will just laugh at you.

4. Try to get inside a private home. Vamps can’t enter without permission – although
this doesn’t apply to public buildings, don’t ask me why. But any private dwelling will
keep a vamp out, unless someone inside invites him in.

5. Try to get inside a house of worship – a church, synagogue, mosque, etc. This works
for the same reason that #3 does.

6. Get where there are other people. A vamp doesn’t want to break the law in front of
witnesses, so the more people around, the safer you’ll be.

And, if at all possible, try to get a description of the offending fanger. Then, when
you’ve driven him off, call me. My name’s Markowski. I carry a badge.

Want to win a copy? This contest has no shipping restrictions so we are opening this up to the international fanbase as well. All you need to do is leave me a comment about your favorite crime fighter, and if you don't have one, then leave a comment telling me what you think would really happen if the monsters came out of the coffin. I will draw a winner next Saturday so be sure to leave an email if one is not included in your profile. Good Luck!


VildesVerden said...

Hm, my favourite crime fighter of all time is Modesty Blaise.But nowadays in Kim Harrisons Rachel Morgan :)

Rain Maiden said...

When I think of crime fighter, I think about the Bat Man. Loved all his dodads. The best was in the old Bat Man movie where Bat Man and Robin used Shark Replant spray. Good times right there and a theme song that is stuck in my head all day.

Vickie said...

Favorite crime fighter....hmmm....I think I will always love my first, Joe Friday on Dragnet. I would watch the show (67-70 version)with my Grandpa Fred. I know Joe was the main focus, but I loved Harry Morgan's character, Bill Gannon. He was so funny, especially compared to Joe's straight up manner.

Lil said...

Well, if you go with crime prevention as a way to fight crime...McGruff the Crime Dog. I don't believe I have seen his badge but I know that he would use his fangs only for good.